The Death of Butterboy Bob
I am an admitted seafood
addict. Shrimp, Crab, scallops, freshwater fish and especially lobster are
the ultimate I fishy fare for moi! My
one son, whom I visit quite often, knows all too well my favorite foods,
desserts (ah yes, crème brulée), even wine, and loads the usually spare fridge
(he’s a bachelor), with my favorites at each visit.
Sadly,
he neglected to supply me with the ultimate gourmet of gastronomics on my last
two visits – live lobster, and vowed to make amends. On a surprise visit this past weekend, this
wonderful, thoughtful and crazy son carried I three huge bags of groceries and dared me to open them. Standing there with the most mischievous grin
on his face, he watched as I unwrapped cold cuts, pastries, shrimp, rye bread
etc. The last one however, had the
strangest shape. I don’t know which was
louder, my shriek or the gales of laughter from my son.
Lo and behold, there was this poor
unfortunate sea creature, Butterboy Bob, as my son named him, wriggling around
the plastic bag with huge rubber-band-held claws, horrid looking eyes,, tongue and antenna -destined
for an untimely death. I was then subjected to the famous reminder, “If you
teach a man to fish…” He, also, in his
former Lieutenant-Colonel voice stated, “I’m going to teach you to cook your
own lobster, so you can do it on your own”.
(or did it sound more like a general?)
Later on, carrying this black mini sea urchin to a pot of boiling water (with my bare hands), and posed for a picture to preserve this momentous occasion. All of a sudden, ‘Bob’ whacked me with his
tail. I screamed and flung him into the waiting bubbling waters. No, he didn't scream, but I’m sure I heard a faint voice saying, “I’m dying of
this heat”.
Fifteen minutes later, with hammer
and screwdriver, we cracked him open, doused him in butter and feasted on this
most luscious, long-awaited lunch
Yes,
he taught me to “fish” – I’ll have lobster for life. Au revoir Butterboy Bob. Bonjour Slippery Sal
– my next victim
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